We've all seen her, the unvalued, unwanted out of place woman walking down the street. Her haggard appearance makes everyone look away. Sometimes she begs for food, change or just human connection. She is so repulsive to society, that some see her as vermin. She is so far lost in her world of numbing pain that she functions on pure instinct alone. She is well past the point of caring about her appearance, that was another lifetime ago. Now she takes on the role of the collective's waste and unwanted parts.
Like Frankenstein's monster, it is woven into her being and she ceases to be a human at this point. The parts of us that are so shameful and repulsive that we banish them in the darkest corners of our being. Somehow find their way to her. Like a hoarder she collects everyone's waste and wears it like armor. She is the ultimate mirror to our suffering. As if she is chosen to carry the burden of the collective's shame and worthlessness. These people are often hidden, chased away and removed. For who would want to look at such a sight. It is horror itself to gaze upon her. For when your eyes lock with hers, you feel a piece of her hell and you realized it is yours too.
Most people go lifetimes banishing the ugly woman. Seeing her as worthless, as a blight on society. She is often used as an example to keep others in line. She is pointed at shamed, attacked and ridiculed. She is the living example of the hell we all try to avoid. The hell that lives in all of use that we run the rat-race to escape. She is the consciousness of what if we mess up in life? Her life is a sacrifice to the hell in all of us.
Like a dark twisted deity she becomes an allegory. We only see her for what she represents and not for who she is. Because it is to painful to make her human. Because if we make her real like us, it will make all the pain she represents real in us as well. Sometimes she lives next door, sometimes she lives on the street but a part of her lives in all of us. She is there when we hate the way we look in the mirror, when we hate out weight, our skin or when our wrinkles make us feel insecure, she is there when we don't feel good enough and she is there when we are all alone and feel unloved.
Just as how we treat her in the external, that is how we treat her in the internal. So what if we loved her? What if we loved that part of us that we banished so far into repulsiveness? What if we accepted it the way it is? With no hope of it changing, but accepting it as a crucial part of our whole. By finding a way to shine the same light on her as we do on our more favorable selves. If we be present with the part of her inside of us and find a way to let her be with no judgments. It will bring us to a level of self acceptance and love. That will not be hindered by gaining a few pounds or wrinkles. It will put us in a state where we no longer see the ugliness in ourselves.
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